Passion is supposed to hurt.

Do something that you're passionate about because otherwise you won't have the perseverance to see it through.

Steve Jobs' words in his 2005 Stanford commencement speech ushered in a cultural shift. Young people everywhere started believing that the key to living a good life was to "find and do what you love." All benefits, no costs.

If you don't find your passion, you will never be happy. That's not what Steve Jobs meant, though.

A quick search on Google for the definition of passion and here's what you get:

That is the word's modern definition. People confuse it with falling in love, with an intense interest, or worse, a reason to do wrong. After all, voluntary manslaughter is literally defined as intentional killing that occurs in the heat of passion.

When we apply the word to how we aspire to live our lives, it doesn't measure up. Many people don't even have 'passions,' let alone productive ones that allow us to make a good living.

To those of you still "find your passion," I offer respite.

For one, the origin of the word 'passion' comes from the Latin word pati, or the Greek word passio. Both words mean to suffer and endure.

Originally, passion was never about waking up to your dream career everyday and having everything be sunshine and rainbows. Having a passion is embracing a state that is messy and unpredictable and still moving forward. Sometimes, there isn't even a path. We move forward because it is worth it to do so.

To be passionate is to take one more step, even when it hurts. Pain can come in many different forms: failures, broken relationships, isolation, dissapointments, health issues, or the occasional thought of giving up.

You could say Romeo and Juliet were passionate for being with each other to the point of death

Newsflash: Romeo and Juliet did die in the end.

So does having passion mean having something you would be willing to die for? Well, if we look into the Judeo-Christian faith and the passion of the Christ then...yes. Martyrdom exudes passion. Serving your country exudes passion. Extreme sports exude passion.

That said, we often don't have to go to such lengths to be passionate for something. We just have to have a worthwhile aim we're willing to suffer joyfully for.

Jordan Peterson would say that suffering is innate to the human experience, and I agree. We're terribly programmed creatures prone to irrational behavior (which has its time and place). We sabotage ourselves regularly, repeatedly and consciously, and more nefarious actors do it to other people.

That's not the kind of suffering I am referring to, though. The suffering I am referring to is the pain of discipline, of working while everyone is asleep, of not going out to parties because they don't move you closer to your goals, of dealing with others' judgment for trying, and of self-doubt.

The Two Kinds of Suffering

You’ve worked a full day and you’re ready to leave. Then your boss stops you: there’s an event tomorrow, and you’re hosting. One moment you’re free, the next you’re trapped in a meeting where everyone but you decides how you’ll spend your time. It’s the kind of small nightmare that makes you wonder whose life you’re living.

The next day, you do the work and you do it well. That is who you are. The good news? You've done a good job. The bad news? Everyone knows you can do a good job.

Suffering has just given birth to more suffering.

How can you tell whether this is the kind of suffering to embrace? Or to avoid?

Easy. If suffering moves you closer to your aim, embrace it. If not, avoid it.

That's not to say the suffering becomes less bearable just because you have an aim. Sometimes there's no way around the pain in order to get what you want. We can avoid many kinds of meaningless suffering though.

Avoid toxic relationships. Avoid distractions. Embrace learning communities. Embrace leisure that prepares you for another day. The bigger your aim, the more severe suffering you can endure.

If you are alive, you will eventually experience suffering. Select your suffering carefully.

I've been teaching for over ten years. Most would look at me and think I am passionate for teaching. I've always doubted that claim, though. I went into teaching for the vacations, and to be able to find out what I truly want to do during the holidays.

Yes, being in the profession has given me great joy. I love seeing students' eyes light up. I like talking to students about issues that matter to them. I like hearing how fresh minds percieve the world.

That said, I hate marking. I hate the administrative work. I find lesson planning barely bearable, and the occasional politics are crippling. I would not categorize myself as someone passionate for teaching. I've only met 2 or 3 teachers in my life who give their life to the profession daily.

You can immediately tell for them it is a calling. Not for me, though. I'm passionate for something else entirely. I'm passionate for providing for my family, for doing good work, for leaning into authenticity, and for life.

My endurance in the profession doesn't come from my love for it. It comes from living my life as an expression of who I am. If one day I deem that I need to live a different life to fulfill what I want, I would change my job in a heartbeat.

While some people are passionate for the thing they do, and others do something long enough to be passionate about it. I've chosen a third path. I am embracing the idea that passion entails suffering and asking myself: What are the set of values, and the ideal future for which I am willing to suffer towards today?

I'm not an investment banker because I don't want to sacrifice seeing family for any period of time. I sold all my individual stocks to buy index funds because I value peace of mind over higher potential returns. I keep trying out this side hustle thing because I like diversification, a little fun, and getting closer to my ideal future. Switching costs eliminate alot of other options.

So what are the things you need to do or stop doing if you want to live out the set of values you swear to abide by, that will make your ideal future a reality?

Be passionate about that set of actions, no matter which career you will be in, how social you need to be, or what subjects you need to study.

Let me write that again. Don't find a passion. Be passionate instead. Hold yourself to a new identity, and you will birth new behaviors. What's cool about that reframe is that you no longer have anything to look for, look within yourself and you will realize you had everything you needed all along. Finding your passion means to rediscover yourself.

Steve Jobs, by all definitions, was a passionate human being - some would say to the point of obsession.